


Like a Knife, Like a Sword, Like a Blade of Ice

by Mimic_Teruyo



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, self-destructive behaviour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-21 14:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18704659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimic_Teruyo/pseuds/Mimic_Teruyo
Summary: When a chance encounter brings Tenshi in touch with Cirno, they both learn something new. Not all learning is for the better, however. Can something be done before Tenshi descends down a path from which she cannot return?





	1. Like a Knife

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted from 1/10/15 to 3/22/15

"Are you dead?"

Tenshi opened her eyes to meet a pair of wide, blue eyes staring down at her, and scowled at the stick the owner of those eyes had a moment ago been poking into her flesh.

"Sleep."

"What?"

"It's called sleep. It's nothing like death." Tenshi glared at the ice fairy looming above her. Looming, perhaps was something of a strong word; the ice fairy was too small to really loom over anyone except ladybugs. "What kind of an imbecile are you? And put that thing away!" She slapped the stick away and rolled over on the grass. She had come to this secluded field to be alone, not to be pestered by weaklings.

From the corner of her eye, she saw the ice fairy tilting her head. "You looked dead."

Tenshi scoffed. "Yes, I bet you're an expert on the subject of death. Listen, just because you little gits pop your clogs the moment someone as much as stares at you nastily doesn't mean you actually know anything about death." No point in starting with pleasantries. The fairy would come to hate her sooner or later, and it would be easier for them both if it were sooner.

"I don't wear shoes," the ice fairy said, looking down at her muddy feet.

Tenshi rolled her eyes. "It's called an idiom. Listen, you brat—"

"Cirno," the brat insisted.

"Cirno. Whatever. Listen." Tenshi propped herself up on her elbow and beckoned Cirno over.

Cirno leaned forward. "What is it?"

"Come closer. This is very important."

Cirno obeyed, with the credulous faith of a child. Tenshi kept gesturing at her until she was right by her, then brought her hand to her ear as if to whisper.

_"Get lost!"_

Cirno jumped into the air as she yelled and staggered backwards, hand on ear. Soon, the initial shock faded, and she glared at Tenshi with all the indignation the little fairy could muster.

"Wanna fight?"

Tenshi chuckled. "Is that really what you want to go with?" Despite herself, she was starting to be entertained. The only reason she had left Bhava-Agra for the day had been to be anywhere else but there, and all she had expected from Gensoukyou was a peaceful nap underneath the clouds. Certainly, some sort of amusement, no matter how dull, would serve to break the bleak monotony of her heavenly existence better far better than the empty corridors and grey fields of her dreams.

Cirno puffed out her chest. "Yes it is. You're being a jerk, and I'm going to beat you up to make you less of a jerk."

Unable to control herself, Tenshi threw her head back and laughed. This was some of the of the best comedy, unintentional or not, that she had seen in years.

"You're really challenging me?" she asked, pretending to wipe away tears of laughter. "You, some puny fairy from Gensokyo, up against a celestial?"

Cirno didn't appear the least bit stymied or hesitant. Although she briefly knitted her brow she soon beamed at Tenshi, hands on her hips. "Yup! Bring it on"

Tenshi snorted, and made the effort to sit up properly, hands in grass. "Nice attitude you have there. I don't know whether I should be impressed or insulted, or if it's merely sheer mindless bull-headedness."

Cirno glared at her. "Are you mocking me?"

"That's my line, squirt," Tenshi replied, rolling her eyes. "Look, even if you're the strongest fairy in Gensokyo— "

"I am. The name's Cirno"

Tenshi snorted. "I heard you the first time around. The strongest fairy in Gensokyo, huh? Kudos." Based on the look of dismay, even Cirno could tell her words were dripping with sarcasm. Tenshi shook her head. "However, that doesn't mean you can hold a candle to me." She stretched her arms and yawned, then leaned back down, keeping her head up with her hand. "Do you really understand what I am?"

Cirno frowned. "You said you're a celestial."

"So you do have basic hearing comprehension, after all. Good for you. Now, do you actually know what 'celestial' means?"

The frown deepened. "That you live in the clouds?"

"Bzzt!" Tenshi lied back down. "Sorry, but that's not the answer we were looking for."

Cirno blinked rapidly. "But you do live in clouds! Letty said so, and Letty's never wrong!"

Tenshi yawned. She was quite awake now, really, but she hoped to get a rise out of Cirno by feigning utter disinterest. "Letty, whoever that is, isn't completely off-base. However, if there is only one thing you know about celestials, it ought to be something else. She turned on her back and landed the soles of her feet firmly on the ground. Then, with one supple motion, she pushed herself up and straightened up to her full height, towering above Cirno. To her credit, Cirno didn't back down, but kept staring at her. "The real thing you need to know about celestials is that we're more powerful than anyone on earth."

Cirno stared at her. "You lie."

Tenshi grinned maliciously. "Oh, indeed? Do you need proof?"

Cirno folded her arms and stuck her chin up. "Yeah."

Tenshi laughed. The more apparent and seemingly fathomless Cirno's foolishness proved to be, the more Tenshi began to enjoy herself. It was certainly a change of pace: while she did scorn the majority of the inhabitants of Bhava-Agra, their idiocy was of a completely different calibre than that of the earthling ninny before her. "You really know nothing of celestials, do you?" she asked, casually picking up the Sword of Hisou, which she had deliberately left out in the open while she slumbered in hopes something interesting would happen, from the grass. Cirno looked on, still glaring at her fearlessly. "I suppose you do not, if you assumed me dead."

"You didn t look like you were breathing."

"You didn't look close enough. However, while I can't cure your idiocy, I can enlighten you on this matter: celestials cannot die."

"Oh." Cirno digested this new information for a moment. "Are you fairies too?"

Tenshi tossed her hair over shoulder. "Hardly. What happens is that whenever our so-called natural lifespan is depleted, the Ministry of Right and Wrong sends some poor sap to collect our souls. You can guess how well that goes."

When Cirno made no response and merely stared at her, Tenshi sighed. "No shinigami can match a celestial." That wasn't entirely true, but Cirno didn't need to know that. "We simply defeat them and continue on our merry way. What does that say to you? More importantly to you at the moment, my little friend," she leaned in closer grinning as evilly as she could, "What chance do you think you have against me? If I choose to do so, I can simply annihilate you. Danmaku rules? Who's going to stop me if I choose to break them? There is no-one around here who can stop me." Again, Cirno seemed to accept the lie without as much as blinking her eyes. "The shrine maiden who claims to sort out incidents? I defeated her without breaking a sweat."

Cirno stared aback at her obstinately "I'm not scared of you."

"I can't say I'm surprised." Tenshi examined her fingernails, carelessly waving the sword in her other hand in a small arch. "Have you ever heard the saying 'fools rush in where angels fear to tread?'"

Cirno looked on, unblinking. "Still not scared of you."

"Indeed? Is that strength, or merely another sign of blithering idiocy?" Tenshi lowered her blade. "Go on, then. Show me what you've got."

Cirno blinked. "Huh?"

Tenshi spread her arms to her sides, leaving herself wide open. "Attack me. Any way you prefer. Show me if you can do as much as a scratch."

Cirno stared at her with her mouth open. "What? Really?"

"Really. Show me what the strongest fairy in Gensoukyou can do."

Cirno still looked puzzled. "But hurting is painful. Why would anyone want that?"

Tenshi rolled her eyes, yet chuckled. "Hurting is painful? I wasn't aware you were a poet on top all your other accomplishments. How old are you?"

"Dunno."

"Assuming you have some decades under your belt, you must know that sometimes, there are times when absolutely nothing happens?" When Cirno nodded, Tenshi continued: "Now imagine one of those boring moments, but instead of lasting hours they last for years and decades and centuries, and never truly go away. Imagine that nothing ever changes, no matter what you do, and it keeps going until you think you're going to die out of boredom, and then it goes further? But you won't die, even then, even though you're starting to believe landing in Hell would be less of a torture than life in Heaven."

Cirno stared at her with a look of apprehension. Perhaps Tenshi had spilled too many of her personal thoughts. But then, what did she care? Who would the stupid fairy tell, and even if she did, what difference would it make? If anything, she felt some of the hideous weight that made it so difficult for her to breathe fall off. She flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Imagine all that, and perhaps you'll understand why sometimes pain is better than monotony." When Cirno made no response, she grinned. "Not that you can come even close to hurting me. However, if you can somehow accomplish that, you will truly be the strongest fairy in Gensoukyou, if not of all time."

That did the trick. Cirno's eyes immediately narrowed, and she stood up to her full height. "Oh yeah? Just you wait! I'm going to freeze the blood on your veins!"

Tenshi chortled and brought the Sword of Hisou in front of her. "Ready whenever you are."

As soon as she had finished saying those words, she was pelted by a barrage of tiny ice shards. However, what the assault had in spontaneity and volume, it lacked it strength: the shards did nothing but tickle Tenshi.

"That's it?" she asked incredulously. "That's all the strongest fairy in Gensokyo can manage? No wonder everyone looks down on you."

"I'm just getting started!" Cirno replied, grinning. She didn't appear nearly as nettled as Tenshi had expected: in fact, as soon as she had began to create ice it was as if all of her previous irritation had melted away, and now there was room for nothing but the sheer enjoyment of using one's abilities the way they were intended to be used.

Tenshi laughed derisively. "Oh yes? What are you going to do, turn the ice shards into snowflakes? I'm shaking in my boots"

"You'll see!"

True to her words, Cirno soon created something more impressive: a large snow cone appeared in the miasma of ice surrounding her, not dissimilar to a dagger, looking very sturdy for something that was nothing but water and a little magic. It twirled in the air in front of Cirno, and with an energetic flick of her wrist, Cirno sent it flying towards Tenshi.

Tenshi raised her arms, and the ice dagger hit her at full force right between her ribs. For an instant, she almost felt something. The dagger, having lost its momentum, fell, and ricocheted from her boot onto the grass. Tenshi raised her foot, and snapped the dagger in half with one merciless stomp of her boot. The dagger showed some resistance, more than Tenshi had expected, but based on the look on Cirno's face as the broken shards flew through the air, not as much as the ice fairy had expected.

"Very well, you have now showed me more or less what I expected. Unfortunately, I expected you to utterly disappoint me. Is that it, then?"

"You want more?" Cirno laughed cheerfully, like it was a pleasantly sparring match between friends and not an affront to her and her entire race. "Okay, let me show you the final form of that attack! Ice Sign: Ice Lance!"

The miasma of frost intensified once more, to the point where Tenshi could barely make out the outlines of her opponent. The mist solidified into another dagger, then kept building up from there: the dagger became a spear, then a lance, taller than Cirno was high, taller than Tenshi herself. Beaming with pride, Cirno waved her hands until the lace was aimed squarely at Tenshi, then focused intently.

"Catch this!" she bellowed, and with one push hurled the lance at Tenshi.

Tenshi rolled her eyes. If the dagger hadn't hurt, a larger version of the same rot wouldn't either. Thus, instead of waiting for the lance to hit, she braced herself of swift movement and brought her hands to her front. One dodge, one grab would be all she needed to completely humiliate Cirno.

Effortlessly, Tenshi dodged the ice lance just before it collided with her. Then, with a near instant movement, she turned and caught the lance at her free hand, countless years of practice put into combat to ameliorate the drudgery of existence paying off wonderfully. Or rather, depressingly, as the moment she caught the lance she dreamed it could have pierced her heart instead.

"Pathetic," she snarled, disgusted with both Cirno and herself. She shouldn't have expected anything from a fairy, after all, but it was still disappointing to find out she was full of nothing but hot air. "Is that really the best you can do?"

Cirno pushed her chin up. "You say that, but that ice is unbreakable! Nothing but sunlight can beat it!"

Tenshi snorted. "We shall see about that." She took a firm grip of the lance and squeezed it tightly, intending to shatter it into innumerable pieces.

The ice wouldn't crack. Tenshi narrowed her eyes and squeezed harder.

Nothing. The ice remained as solid as ever.

Snarling, Tenshi began putting actual effort into her grasp, her grip like a vice. She glared at Cirno confidently, knowing she still had more than enough strength in her body to get through the task, but simultaneously pleased that the ice fairy had managed to surprise her after all...

She suddenly felt a horrible stinging pain as her palm was cut open, and relaxed her grip, eyes widening. She took the lance into her undamaged hand, wincing a little as it had been rather deeply embedded into her hand, and looked at the damage it had done.

In her grip, the honed edges of the lance had grown sharper and sharper, and due to the strength of the ice it had became sharp enough to cut deep into her flesh. She looked in amazement at the shallow cuts just beneath her fingernails, and with nostrils flaring at the sight of the deep, jagged line slicing her palm wide open. Droplets of crimson blood fell onto the blades of grass below, and she turned her palm downwards to allow the blood flow freely. It no longer hurt, but it still stung, in a way that was both mortifying and absolutely wondrous.

She looked at Cirno with new eyes. The ice fairy had her hands on her hips, and she looked at Tenshi with a serious expression unbecoming on her childish face. To think that this brat could conjure up something that could draw her, Tenshi Hinanawi's, blood!

"What was your name again?" she asked, discarding the ice lance.

Cirno puffed up her chest. "Cirno."

"Yes. Cirno." Tenshi squeezed her damaged hand shut, and idly looked at the blood oozing out of her closed fist. "I will remember your name." A dark, vengeful part of her wished to now show Cirno the full extent of her offensive output and mop the meadow with her. On the other hand, the part of her entrenched in ennui and desperate for any surprises was so impressed by Cirno that it wished to leave the silly fairy alone for at least the time being. She ought to leave some excitement for another day. "You have now been promoted from a pointless pest to a nuisance. So hail to you," she made a mocking bow with a flourish, but discovered to her great surprise as she bowed her head that she partially meant it. "Cirno, the strongest of all fairies."

Cirno beamed proudly. "Told ya so! Will you come play again sometime?"

Tenshi glowered at Cirno, but with an ever-spreading smile that appeared to be all Cirno saw, as her own smile remained unchanged. "Oh, yes. I will be certain to come and play again." She stroked the still bleeding cut in her hand with the fingers of the same hand, and raised them to her eye level, now dyed red, looking at them with wonder.

Cirno frowned. "Do you need something for that cut?"

"Hmm?" Tenshi shook her head. "No. I like it this way." When Cirno's frown only deepened, she smile. "So, until we meet again..." With one leap, she left Cirno, the meadow, and all of Gensokyo behind.

 

* * *

 

Tenshi sat up in her cot and looked out of the round window of her room. A pale moon, closer to Heaven than to any inch of Gensokyo, loomed in the horizon, casting the gardens and buildings in a nigh ethereal light. In a distance, she heard the sound of the never-ending carousing and merriment of her brethren: laughter, music, snippets of song.

Tenshi curled back into her bed, the black ball of hatred she had been nursing in her chest coiling out and feeding her thoughts. Her bed was sickeningly soft, the endless pure white pillows and heavenly soft covers a paradise all to themselves. In that instant, she wished nothing more than to tear them apart and lie down in a pit of burning coals instead. She curled up into a foetal position, trying to drown out the happy sounds that felt more like stabs than anything the little ice fairy had managed.

Her mind drifted back into the afternoon. The pain from the blade of ice, the clear-cut wound it had cut into her flesh, had been honest and cleansing, nothing like the insidious pain of averted gazes and the shunning of other celestials. With that pain, she had momentarily forgotten all else but the crimson drops falling into the grass, more beautiful than rubies.

The sounds of celebration grew louder, and the light of colourful paper lanterns merged with the light of the moon. Tenshi smothered her head beneath her mountain of pillows and dreamt of a swift retribution to everyone around her. She would cut down everyone for ignoring her and made fun of her, or simply for not loving her as far as her parents were concerned like her parents had, until the laughter finally ended and all of Bhava-Agra was utterly soaked in blood.

Just before she fell asleep, she saw in her mind's eye again the ice fairy, the cocky, but honest grin on her face, her boastful pose, and the strange kind of purity that Paradise despite all of its claims lacked. Most of all, she recalled the wonderful, clean pain, which she visualised as a beautiful white flame, untainted by Heaven's hypocrisy.

She unconsciously touched her palm, and the wound that had already scarred over. When she woke up, it would be nothing more than a memory.

Yes, she would pay Cirno another visit. As soon as possible, in fact.

And with that thought, she finally drifted to the land of sleep.


	2. Like a Sword

There is no illness in Paradise.

There are no diseases within its boundaries. There are no wounds that will not heal, no headaches, no broken limbs. There are no fevers, no upset stomachs, nothing but the prime of physical health.

There is no illness in Paradise.

 

* * *

 

"Eldest Daughter!"

Tenshi flipped her hair over her shoulder and wilfully ignored Iku's call, stomping towards the edge of Paradise as if she had heard nothing.

"Eldest Daughter! Where are you going?"

"Mind you own business!" Tenshi yelled without turning back.

"It is my business, as you well know. Even if this arrangement displeases you, it is your parents' will, and thus we must all accommodate to it—"

"Oh yes, because it's not like this is a pain in the ass for everyone except them." Tenshi whirled around. Iku had been following her tenaciously and now came to a halt, her heavenly garb billowing softly around her. "Look, I'm not some human toddler you have to watch every second in case I scrape my knee. I'll be out of your hair the whole day, so why don't you just go back and do whatever you usually do when you're not stalking me."

Iku sighed and put her hands together as if in prayer. "I have a duty I must heed, Eldest Daughter. I am not supposed to allow you to leave Bhava-Agra without supervision."

"No-one cares but you! My parents only care because they think I'm going to cause more trouble." She put on as serious a face as possible. "I'm not. Honest. I have better things to do."

Iku sighed again. Tenshi loathed that sound almost as much as she loathed the sounds of merriment. Iku never ceased sighing around her, or shaking her head, or folding her arms, or calling out her stupid title in the most disproving manner possible, like a long-suffering nanny of an ill-behaved child. Tenshi was sick of being treated like a child. After five centuries frozen in early adolescence, with no chance to further mature physically, one of her chief desires was to be treated according to her age despite her stunted growth.

Iku tilted her head and focused intently for a moment. She straightened out, and with a somewhat different tone asked: "Are you well, Eldest Daughter?"

Now it was Tenshi's turn to sigh. "I already told you I wouldn't cause any trouble."

"That is not what I asked."

"I know it's what you meant."

"I meant what I said. Are you well?"

Yes, she would say she meant it, and expect Tenshi to swallow it hook line and sinker, like she was still willing to buy whatever rot her elders wished her to buy without question. As if anyone actually cared about her well-being, or considered her more than at best a petulant child, or at worst nothing but a burden. Tenshi scoffed. "Why don't you just read the atmosphere and figure it out?"

"That is precisely what I'm doing."

"Bah." Tenshi buried the ball of hatred she carried in her soul deep within her mind before responding. "I'm fine. I'm just going down to see a friend. That should be fine with Mother and Father."

Iku blinked. "You have a friend in Gensokyo?"

"That's what I said."

"Well," Iku looked doubtful. Tenshi wished she would drop dead. "Even so, you're not supposed to leave, Eldest Daughter..."

"Just turn a blind eye. It's not like anyone but you will notice I'm gone."

"Even if that would be the case, it's about the principle of things."

"Oh, not the atmosphere for once?" Tenshi snorted. "And you know just as well as I do that what I said is true. Just go take a nap or something. You'd like that."

"Eldest Daughter, this is not about whether I'd enjoy something or not. This is about duty: not just mine, but yours as well, as the daughter of the—" Iku had closed her eyes during her harangue, and now blinked rapidly. "Eldest Daughter!"

Tenshi kept running, ignoring Iku's cries. Let the stupid oarfish catch her if she could. A game of cat and mouse could serve as a nice warm-up before the main event of the day.

She looked over her shoulder. Iku hadn't followed her. She looked on at Tenshi with her hand on her head, and while Tenshi was too far away to hear it, she could see her sigh.

Bah.

Tenshi kept going, using all the power she could muster to move her legs, holding her hat with one hand. It would have been easier to have a strap on the hat, like she had had as a child, but would she be ready to face the mockery that would follow from it?

She narrowed her eyes. What the hell. As if she'd even notice the difference. After all, she didn't care. At all. Besides what did it really matter if he lost her hat? Let the wind carry it away. Searching for it could serve as the prelude Iku's pursuit would not.

Iku was finally advancing towards her, flying rapidly through the air, surrounded by electricity. However, she would never catch Tenshi.

With one final step, Tenshi reached the edge of Bhava-Agra, and launched herself into the air, free-falling with her limbs spread far and wide. The wind swept over her, violently flapping her hair and the hems of her apron and skirts. Another current swept her hat away.

Beneath her, Gensokyo opened up, with its scenic mountains and lush forests. Tenshi named all the buildings she could, and scoffed at the feeble creatures, human and youkai alike, who had built them. She saw Misty Lake, like a blue eye in the middle of a green face, and smiled without noticing. She kept flying down, seeing how long she could stay in a free-fall go without crashing into the ground, holding her arms out as if to embrace the land that could so easily grind her bones into powder if she allowed it to happen.

 

* * *

 

After some moments spent scurrying through the woods to evade Iku's gaze, and several more searching for her hat, Tenshi made her way towards Misty Lake.

She descended into a small forest, not far from the meadow she had been to the day before, and began wading through the verdant bushes and ferns, like a lake of plants by the lake of water. The woods were unkempt, with overgrown and withering plants among the perfectly blooming ones, wild in a way that would never be allowed in the meticulously resplendent and endless gardens of Bhava-Agra. There was calmness in the air that made its way into her circulation and set her mind at ease. This kind of ugly beauty, with parts rotting away, was so far removed from her world that it was fascinating despite its grotesqueness. Had she really lived amidst these plants one day, with her feet covered in mud and wild flowers in her hair?

The image brought back her black thoughts, and she focused on Cirno instead. Perhaps Cirno would not be there that day, but that couldn't be helped: she couldn't exactly make formal agreements with someone so beneath her status, after all. She would have to rely on luck, and if that failed, her wits and eyes to scour Gensokyo for the damned ice fairy.

However, a search operation proved unnecessary. As soon as the thought crossed her mind and saw the lake through the trees, there was Cirno's laughter, intermingled with another high-pitched voice. Swiftly, Tenshi made her way behind an oak tree growing in the grove, and peered past its bountiful branches at the two fairies. One was Cirno: the icy blue hair and the loud, cheerful voice were unmistakable. The second looked much like the common flower fairies of Gensokyo, except notably taller: she had her green hair tied into a surprisingly neat side ponytail.

Tenshi couldn't make out the words, but even from this distance, just by the expressions and gestures and the tone of voices it was evident the two were acquaintances, and more likely than not close friends. Cirno smiled raucously, the and the fairy quivered with laughter, and they playfully shoved each other. Their conversation was happy and animated, and the more Tenshi looked on, the more she loathed both of them.

She tore her gaze away and sat on the grass, back against the tree trunk. It only made sense Cirno had friends — Tenshi quickly corrected herself from thinking "other friends": she and Cirno had never been friends and never would be. Why wouldn't all the fairies want to be friends with someone so brimming with life, so cheerful, so upbeat, so foolish and incapable of seeing the vacuousness of either other or herself?

Tenshi closed her eyes and sank into her reveries. Instantly, she found herself transported several centuries back in time, when everything in Heaven had already lost its lustre but still felt fluffier than it did at present time; back when she had still believed she could win her parents' affection and attention by being sweet and demure, positively angelic. She had had a friend, then, a friend with peach-coloured hair and a kindly smile. Even now, Tenshi could see her approaching her, the beauty mark on her left cheek bouncing up as she smiled and took Tenshi's hand. It was a festival, as it was every day, and various lights like the paper lanterns of earth shone in innumerable colours. Tenshi's friend had led her to her posse, with pastel hair and false smile, and Tenshi felt her own mouth twisting into a smile as bogus as theirs. But it had been a genuine smile when her friend looked at her, reacted to the few remarks she forced herself to make, laughed at her jokes, and in general made her feel like the sun had dawned inside her.

Before the doubt growing within her tainted it, that is.

She had suspected it, almost from the very beginning. Since when did people approach recluses and strike up a friendly conversation with them, and genuinely attempt to befriend them? Even when Tenshi's heart had been about to burst with the happiness of being accepted, with how wonderful her friend was, she had wondered if she really liked her at all. Her friend was a social butterfly who treated everyone kindly: perhaps she felt obligated to keep Tenshi company no matter how much she in reality bored her? Or worse yet, perhaps she was a false friend entirely, with some dark intention for why she tried to win Tenshi's trust? She didn't put much stock to the latter idea, but often felt so unlovable the former thought germinated with vigour. She was nothing special, had no interesting skills, had nothing to offer, let alone to someone as bubbly and clever as her peach-coloured friend. How could anyone care about her?

Other days, when her mood had been better, she had allowed herself to tip her toes in the pool of friendship, each time a little further. Perhaps her friend was so wonderful she could like even Tenshi, and perhaps, perhaps, there was something in Tenshi that was lovable after all. Her other friends she never cottoned to, feeling them to be vapid and good for nothing but rumours and trite partying, which Tenshi had long since grown tired of despite her veneer of interest. But maybe her friend was a real friend, one she could trust, one that would also make her a better person in turn...

Another memory swam in front of her mind's eye, quite without her input.

It was her parents, austere and dressed elegantly as always. Tenshi had hoped that after all this time, their faces in her memories would be hidden in shadows, but she saw them in crystal clarity. No matter how many years passed, Tenshi felt small in front of them, positively minuscule. Her mother opened her mouth to speak.

Tenshi rapidly opened her eyes, blinking away tears she hadn't even realised she had shed. Her expression, on its own, turned to steel.

Who cared, now? Not Tenshi. She knew no-one would ever like her for what she was, and that any pretence would only go so far. So, why did it matter if she had let herself go? The damage she had done to her relationships with everyone around had been beyond repair for centuries. It didn't matter what she would do, no matter what, so the least she should try would be to derive all the pleasure she could possibly find in this wretched, stupid life.

She turned her attention back to the two fairies. The tall fairy said something indistinct to Cirno and rouse to the air, flying towards the west. Cirno waved after her, then waded into the water and crouched down, doing something Tenshi couldn't see.

Tenshi waited for a few moments, then exited the woods and sauntered forward through the wet grass to see what the crouched ice fairy was doing. "What are you playing at, then?"

Cirno looked over her shoulder, idly conjuring more ice between her hands without looking. "What does it look like? I'm freezing frogs."

Tenshi snorted, then eyed the frozen amphibians, green lumps barely visible through the thick ice, lying helplessly in the grass. "Ah, yes. Is that really the best the strongest of all the fairies?"

Cirno finished freezing the frog in front of her and turned to give Tenshi the evil eye. "Of course it's not. It's just fun."

"Right. And you're not just saying that because you know it is in fact the best you can do, and you're just trying to clumsily cover it up so that the reputation of your louse-like kind doesn't sink even further into the mire?"

Cirno stared at her. "You're stupid." Then, with an exaggerated flounce, she jumped into the creek, her bare feet disappearing into the water. She walked carefully into the reeds, presumably looking for more frogs.

Tenshi scoffed and followed after her, stepping in with her arms folded, not bothering to remove her boots. The hems of her skirts were immediately soaked and began weighting her down, so she made extra care to stomp forward with excess vigour.

Cirno glared at her again. "You're scaring away the frogs!"

"That's what happens when you call me stupid without explaining why."

Cirno rolled her eyes. "You really are stupid, then. You're stupid because you think freezing frogs is the best I can do even though I managed to hurt you. What are you, a goldfish?"

"Goldfishes have month-long memories," Tenshi said, repeating some idle trivia Iku had once shared with her. "And as far as our wager goes, it has not been settled yet. You drew my blood, certainly, but if you think that actually harmed me, you have another thing coming. See?" She thrust her fully healed hand right into Cirno's face.

Cirno's mouth fell open. "Huh? Then why did you bow to me?"

Tenshi smirked. "I was making fun of you."

Cirno's shoulders slumped, crestfallen. "No way." Then, she frowned. "That's not fair!"

"Know what is fair, however?" Tenshi turned her thrust palm into an extended hand. "If you come with me, I'll let you have a second go at me. If you really didn't use all of your strength yesterday, today's the day to do it. Pit everything you have against me, and perhaps you will impress me today."

Cirno seemed to consider her offer, hand on her chin. "I really didn't hurt you yesterday?"

"Not a bit," Tenshi lied smoothly. "What? Did I look like I was in pain? You must be joking."

Cirno didn't look entirely convinced. "You kinda winced."

"That was merely in surprise: I couldn't believe you had even managed as much as to break my skin. Still, that doesn't mean you actually succeeded." Tenshi raised her chin. "So, are you prepared to defend to honour of the fairies?"

Cirno's eyes darkened. She cracked her knuckles. "You bet I am! I'll freeze you so badly you'll think another ice age has come!"

"Oh, excellent. You think you can cause me pain with cold air?" Tenshi leaned in closer until her hair brushed Cirno's shoulders. "I'll give you a free hint: you will need the sharpest blades you can even imagine to actually hurt me."

Cirno grinned. "I'm going to show you winter in the middle of summer!"

Tenshi bowed her head, smiling likewise. "Please."

 

* * *

 

"Again."

Tenshi spread her arms wide and took the entirety of yet another volley of ice shards. Crusts of ice pierced the fabric of her shirt and grazed her skin, then shards sharp as razor blades bit into her, searing her flesh and slicing endless minute cuts into her torso. At the moment of impact, the pain washed away all unrelated emotion, and Tenshi had to bite her lip to hold back a sob as her entire body was wrapped in excitement and satisfaction none of the joys of Heaven could ever match.

"Again," she whispered. "Again."

Cirno visibly hesitated, lowering her hand. "Are you sure you're okay? That looks bad."

Tenshi scowled, but managed to turn it into a bitter grin. The initial euphoria was fading away as the wounds began to burn, and she had no time for hesitation. "What, do you think you're honestly capable of hurting me? I felt nothing. This," She gestured in front of her body, "this will be healed by the next time you see me." It was true too, or at least, the part about recuperation was: the Celestial speed of recovery could match that of many youkai. Not even a scar remained of the much deeper cut on her palm from their first encounter. "So, unless you want to prove that even the strongest of fairies is absolutely no match to Celestials, I suggest you keep going."

Cirno frowned, her guileless face clearly legible: she wanted to buy Tenshi words, but the marred flesh and specks of blood right in front of her made her hesitate. To make her choice easier, Tenshi folded one of her arms over her chest and examined her fingernails.

"That was just cooling up." Cirno cracked her knuckles and raised her hands. A visible miasma of frost surrounded her. "I'll show you exactly what fairies can do."

"Cooling up?" Tenshi sneered. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's like warming up, but the opposite."

Tenshi rolled her eyes. "Let me guess, you're also the height of wit around your kind?"

"Nah, Dai-chan's jokes are way funnier..." The momentary blissful smile on Cirno face vanished as realisation dawned. "Hey! You think I'm too stupid to catch that?"

Tenshi spread her arms wide and took a bow. "Perhaps I did. Well, you know how to pay back: just show me that you're actually capable of hurting me." She looked on eagerly as the blades of ice manifested, larger this time and glimmering with dangerous sharpness. How thrilling it would be to be stung by the specks, then penetrated by those blades and see them be washed over with her blood, to bleed, to die, to leave this dull, hateful world behind her.

She looked on unblinking as Cirno released the volley, and savoured every ounce of pain she could derive from it.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" Cirno looked anxious and fidgeted with her hands.

"It doesn't." It was almost the truth, too; the pain had already begun to give way to a sharp stinging sensation, regret following in the wake of pleasure. She looked down a her chest and savoured the cuts and deep stabs visible through the remnants of her shirt. "I'm fine." Had she been injured like this while still an earthling, so long ago Tenshi could only remember vague flashes of the time, she probably would have lived through the wounds, but not without weeks of agony and soreness. Now, it was simply a matter of returning of Bhava-agra and waiting for a while, and all mortal perils would be swept away.

She clenched her fists. "One more for luck."

Cirno blinked rapidly. "One more? I don't know..." Despite Tenshi's best reassurances, it was evident Cirno doubted something. Her eyes kept flittering back to the mesh of red and white that was Tenshi's chest, biting her lip.

"Thinking I'm hurt insults the pride of all Celestials!" Tenshi slammed her hand against her chest for emphasis, and sighed in relief as a fresh wave of pain flooded into her. "Perhaps to you pathetic earthlings, this would be painful, but to me they mean less than mosquito bites. That's what fairies are to me if you can't shape up, weaker than mosquitoes!"

Cirno gave her a dirty look.

Tenshi smirked. "That's the spirit. Now," spread her arms, "one more for luck."

 

* * *

 

"Eldest Daughter!"

Tenshi rolled her eyes. Perhaps she should have expected Iku to catch up with her mere moment after she returned to Paradise, but the sight of her and hearing her reproachful tone didn't exactly improve her mood regardless. She wrapped her hands around her torso in an attempt to cover the wounds on her body. "What, did someone actually notice I was gone?"

She passed by Iku without stopping, and heard her flying after her.

"That is not the point here, Eldest Daughter. You run off to Gensokyo and return with a strange atmosphere, and then attempt to brush me off. I must punish you."

Tenshi sighed. "Oh, goody." Before, Iku's lighting bolts had served to jolt her out of her torpor much like Cirno's ice did, but with time she had became inured to them. Now they were barely noticeable from her usual numbness.

"Eldest Daughter, please look at me when I'm talking to you." Iku clapped her hand on her shoulder, and when Tenshi didn't shrug it off, gently but irresistibly turned her around. Tenshi prepared her best glare for Iku.

However, even if Iku noticed the glare, something else quickly drew her attention away from it.

"Eldest Daughter..." she mumbled, staring at Tenshi's torso, "What on heaven and earth happened to you? We must get you aid, immediately! Who did this?"

"Mind your own damn business, Iku!" Tenshi snapped, her hands curling into fists on their own. "I wasn't doing anything! I haven't done anything wrong!"

"You haven't done anything?" Iku asked incredulously. "Your shirt is in tatters! Your body is covered in lacerations? Something happened, whether you admit it or not. There is no reason to deny it!"

"Shut up! Like it matters to you. You're too nosy."

Iku touched the bridge of her nose in a gesture that never failed to annoy Tenshi. "Eldest Daughter, whatever happened, you can tell me. If it is something sensitive that is of no consequence to the rest of Bhava-Agra, I can agree not to tell your parents at present time. However, you must tell me what's ailing you. Your atmosphere is dreadful."

"Maybe it's just because I'm dreadful."

Iku sighed. "No, Eldest Daughter. Please, speak to me. I am aware that something is amiss, but I cannot assist if I have no understanding of the situation."

"And did I ask for your help? Or your opinion?" Tenshi hissed. She tossed her head and began stalking away, certain that it wouldn't rid her of Iku, but being unable to stand still and take her nonsense any longer regardless. "Just so you know, I can take care of myself! I am not a child!"

Iku's usually level complexion darkened. "I could have been fooled by your current behaviour."

"Shut up!" Tenshi felt her cheeks redden, but she was beyond caring. "Can't you see that I'm fed up with all this rot? Leave me alone for crying out loud! I don't want to see you!" It felt like a floodgate had opened. "I don't want to see any of you! I hate you all!"

The words didn't succeed in having their intended effect: instead of enraging Iku, the oarfish looked down and sighed. The sight served to make Tenshi's blood boil even further.

"Eldest Daughter," Iku sighed, leaning forward and extending her arm. Without thinking, Tenshi slapped her hand away, and for an encore took a step forward and shoved Iku backwards. As Iku was still floating, the push failed to make her topple, but it did make her wobble and back off a bit. She stared at Tenshi with widening eyes.

"Eldest Daughter, do you really wish me to punish you?" she asked in a low voice.

"Go ahead!" Tenshi extended her arms to her sides. "That's all you're good for anyway. Punch me, shove me, zap me! See how much difference that's going to make!"

She half expected Iku to raise her arm and send a bolt of lightning through her right there and then, but it never came. Rather, Iku seemed fixated on the still fresh wounds on Tenshi's body, and slowly moved out of her battle stance.

"You are correct, Eldest Daughter. I can see it won't make a difference." Iku hesitated, then extended her arm again. "Please, speak to me. Tell me what is ailing you. I assure you that I will do what I can to help you."

"Right." Tenshi folded her arms. "You care about me all of a sudden."

"Why wouldn't I care, Eldest Daughter?"

"Why would you?" Tenshi gave Iku her best scowl and unfolded her arms. "You know what? I hate many people. I hate all the people who bullied me. I hate my parents for doing nothing about it. But more than them, I hate you. I hate you!" she suddenly roared, making Iku flinch. "I hate you more than anyone! The sight of you makes me want to puke!"I never want to see you ever again!" There was a flash of pain in Iku's eyes, and even as Tenshi knew she was winning, her stomach began to churn. What if Iku really had cared about Tenshi? What if her concern wasn't entirely selfish? If so, all that would certainly be obliterated now.

"Don't you hear me?" she continued, blinking away tears she couldn't control. "Leave me alone, you disgusting, repulsive, idiotic fish! If I ever see you again I'll cut your face into ribbons!"

Iku floated mutely in place, mouth open and eyes wide. When she spoke, her voice quivered. "Eldest Daughter..."

"Shut up! Just leave me alone, you disgusting creature!" Unable to face Iku eyes any longer, simmering with both anger and regret she couldn't quite convince herself was baseless, she ran away.

This time, she didn't look back.

This time, Iku didn't follow her.


	3. Like a Blade of Ice

Tenshi cradled herself, shielding her eyes from sunlight.

How long had she been hiding? After rushing to her room and nabbing a clean shirt, she had crept into one of the gardens, behind a rose bush in full bloom far from her room. By the way the sun was now, she assumed it was already another day on earth. All her wounds had already healed, anyway.

She grabbed one of the thorny branches of the rose bush, and smiled grimly as the thorns bit into her palm, wiping away caked tears from her eyes.

There was no turning back now. As long as Iku had considered her merely a burden, she had been able to delay what she had felt in her heart to be her inevitable trajectory, but now, after what she had said and done, it was too late. She had no place in Bhava-Agra any longer, even less than she had had before. Where could she go? There was no place where she could turn.

Her thought wandered to Gensokyo and Cirno. Move to Gensokyo? She scoffed at the idea. Perhaps she had ought to escaped there long ago, back when her reputation hadn't been quite so besmirched, but now?

She didn't deserve it.

No, she really didn't. She had not deserved her place in Paradise in the first place. Was it any wonder she had not been nothing but miserable there? She didn't deserve a place in the Eastern Wonderland either. She deserved nothing.

A couple dressed in silk and sporting elegant coiffures slowly walked down the stone path to the garden, offering them a good glimpse of Tenshi. Tenshi wilfully ignored them, looking at the grass until they had past, out of an outdated instinct doing what she could to keep the contempt bubbling within her off her face.

The people passed without a word, merely a glance, continuing on to their life of frivolity, chatting quietly. Tenshi told herself it was folly, but every word of that indistinct discussion felt like a stab in the heart for her, poisonous the way physical pain wasn't.

Perhaps they didn't speak of her. In a way, that was just as insulting. The look those people gave her, and then to each other alone, dismissing her as a lost cause, immediately pegging her as some kind of a pesky, if sometimes amusing annoyance, an eternal outsider, a mere joke. The glances had chased her until the only place in Heaven where she felt safe was her cot, her room a prison rather than a home.

Tenshi squeezed her hands tight in her apron. She knew she was useless, yes, but it was different when she told it to herself to when others thought so. What right did they have to judge her, to shun her, to talk of her behind her back?

Was she blameless? No, she knew she had done much to invoke the disdain and reservation of the other Celestials. But that was not the whole story. That implied she alone was to blame, and that her heartless and duplicitous peers were completely right. They had started it, acting as if she didn't belong, and when she had finally confided in some of them, admitting how she didn't feel accepted and how she had to force herself to keep a brave face, all but ignored her concerns, laughing in her face. That was before the sidelong glances and the whispers, but even those memories followed Tenshi wherever she went, haunting her, appearing to her in vivid colours just as she thought she had found peace. Not even the walls of her rooms could keep her thoughts away.

They had no right. They still had no right. Tenshi knew well how worthless she was, but those others had no right to sneer at her. She was no worse than them.

Iku's face flashed in her mind.

Tenshi curled herself up even smaller, wishing she could turn smaller still until she vanished out of existence.

No, she was worse. She had allowed herself to stoop to their level. If she had always thought the other celestials had no right to live, and that only some vestiges of fear and the knowledge that she would lose had stopped from enacting bloody vengeance on the whole of Bhava-Agra, what did that make her now that she was as bad as them?

Why should anyone care about how she felt, after all? She was useless, pointless, annoying, nothing more than a burden to her parents and everyone around her. She had no skills to change anyone's mind, and even if she did, why would anyone change their minds about her after all these years and everything she had done? She was forever tainted, and no matter how she yearned to be pure again, she couldn't erase the past, erase the mistakes she had had made, erase the sins had had hurt others. What was even the point of apologising when it wouldn't even begin to make things right? She might as well make it easier for everyone and remain a target, a punchline of jokes, a punching bag for the other Celestials' jibes, the unruly daughter who flouted tradition, a spoilsport who caused nothing but chaos in her wake. Why should she try to change when she would never be accepted all the same?

An image of Cirno swam to her mind. Cirno, who treated her as a normal person. Cirno, who reacted to her lies as frankly and honestly as if she had never heard of lies before. Cirno, with her bright eyes and brighter smile, laughing, pouting, channelling her powers, all with the same earnestness.

She hated Cirno.

More than that, she envied Cirno.

She envied Cirno, and the hateful beast within her roared in her ears at the thought of the ice fairy appeared. How dare that foolish, impure creature, a weakling fairy, an imbecile, be happy and free when Tenshi's life was forever marred, tainted, beyond repair and without use? What was Cirno's purpose? She didn't seem to know, and even less to care. She was happy the way Tenshi would never be, and the more Tenshi thought of it, the more she yearned to take her sword and slash that foolish smile of Cirno's face forever more.

Despite Bhava-Agra's healing qualities, Tenshi's temples began to throb. Did she really have any right to hold Cirno in contempt? Wasn't it her own fault that her life had been ruined, for being so blasted useless and worthless in the first place? While Cirno was no more useful, she had risen far higher than a fairy should: she was genuinely powerful, and while Tenshi would never admit it to her face, she was truly impressed by her manipulation of ice. Whereas Tenshi had ascended to be more than a common mortal, a flawless being, and had botched it regardless and was no better than a common flower bug! How could she have failed so badly?

She couldn't help it, and could only be glad no-one was there to see it: hot, scalding tears brimmed over and streamed down her face, drenching her face and arms. She sobbed, and hated herself more for every tear she shed.

It took her several moments to compose herself. Then, she stood up. She wiped her face.

Well, she knew what the right thing to do was. She also knew how to both do the right thing and hurt Cirno, possibly even enough to forever wipe the innocent smile off her face.

 

* * *

 

Escaping from Paradise and tracking down Cirno only took a short while. Today, Tenshi found her alone, standing on the field where she had originally met her, conjuring wisps of icy mist into the air.

Tenshi strode forward, hoping to attract Cirno's attention with the mere sound of her footsteps. She succeeded: Cirno turned around, eyes wide, and greeted Tenshi with a smile.

"Hey, it's you!" Cirno rushed forward, but after a few steps, froze in her tracks and stared at Tenshi's pristine shirt-front.

"That's right." Tenshi wriggled the hems of her shirt out of her skirt and raised them just enough to show that her abdomen was no worse for wear after the battle on the previous day. "Do you believe me now?"

Cirno nodded vigorously.

"Good. I have been thinking about your abilities. Perhaps you will never be able to match a Celestial, but at the same time, I believe you can get far as far as the earth is concerned. However, there is one are in your combat abilities where you're sorely lacking."

"What's that?"

"Even if your magical skills are top-notch, that won't take you to the top unless you learn to apply it creatively." Tenshi examined her fingernails in an exaggerated gesture.

"Freezing frogs is creative," Cirno argued, brow furrowing slightly.

Tenshi snorted. "How is it any different from what you usually do? I mean, you can create a big cluster of ice in front of you. Whoop-de-doo. If you really want to excel in combat, you need to learn to adapt yourself."

Cirno didn't look very pleased at the assessment of her skills. "I can do more than that."

"A little, perhaps, but not enough." Tenshi unsheathed her sword and twirled it in her hands. "Can you create a pillar of ice in front of me? Around the same height as you are."

Cirno frowned, but then thrust her palms forward and created a field of frost. Slowly, a pillar of ice manifested itself, its growth rate accelerating until there was a huge cluster, thicker and taller than Cirno herself.

"Good." Tenshi took a proper stance and grabbed her sword with both hands. "Step back."

As soon as Cirno got out of the way, Tenshi lunged forward and struck the pillar several times, her blade dancing in the air with speed faster than the human eye. Then, she pulled back, sheathing the sword in one fluid motion. For a split second, the pillar still appeared unmolested. Then, gravity took effect, and the slices she had carved out of it toppled over all over at once, leaving nothing but a stump on the ground, and several perfectly identical slices of ice.

"There." Tenshi raised her eyes, face impassive, but secretly relishing the impressed look Cirno gave her. "What I'm trying to say is that power alone isn't enough. It's the skill to wield that power that decides who wins the match at the end of the day."

Cirno's eyes sparkled. "I want to try that too!" And without waiting for Tenshi's input, began to fashion herself a sword of ice.

"Yes, you have some notion of the application of your skills." Tenshi drew her blade once more. "However, first things first. How are your hand-to hand combat skills?"

"Dunno." Cirno had now completed the sword: a sturdy, slightly curved number. The blade glittered in the sun, looking every inch as deadly as a metal sword. "I just freeze things."

"That's fine as long as you can keep your foes at distance, but what will you when—" Tenshi dashed forward without finishing her sentence, reaching Cirno before the ice fairy had time to blink, and with great accuracy stopped the sword's motion just short of it pricking Cirno's forehead. Cirno's reaction was delayed, first a startled widening of eyes, mouth falling open. Then, she dropped down, still looking stupefied, sword clattering onto the ground.

Tenshi waited.

After few more moments, Cirno found her wits again.

"That was great!" she sputtered, laughing.

"You realise that with enough strength, I could have skewered your brains right there and then, and you would have been powerless to stop me, right?" Tenshi waited Cirno to scamper back onto her feet and pick up her blade, then used her own sword to level it upwards. "What you ought have done, if you were unable to to dodge, was to parry my blade like this..." She pulled back and struck quickly, savouring the unusual ring her blade made against the reinforced ice. "See? But then you opponent might..." she pulled back against, very slowly bringing her sword to Cirno's side. "What do you do now?"

"Uh..." With an awkward movement, Cirno brought her own blade to meet Tenshi's.

"You have the right idea, but if you do it that way, you'll leave your right side wide open for another attack." Tenshi took several steps backwards. "Here, let's try this. You attack me, and I show you how to parry it."

"Okay!" Cirno beamed a trusting smile at her. If Tenshi had had a heart, or any thought she could gain redemption, she might have felt guilty seeing that strange trust, so quickly developed, that no-one else bestowed upon her. Of course, that trust only served to prove what an absolute fool Cirno was. She deserved to see that trust so freely given trampled.

Tenshi raised her blade. "Very well. Come at me."

To her surprise, Cirno actually took some time to decide on her next move. She weighted a sword in her hand, biting her lip in concentration. Finally, she dashed forward, her run clearly marking her as someone not accustomed to swordplay. Tenshi easily parried the incoming swing, then stepped to the left and directed the sword's trajectory, the momentum still in it, to strike the ground instead. Blades of grass flew into the air, and Cirno stumbled as the trajectory temporarily sucked her down with it. She soon regained her balance, and to Tenshi's secret approval had enough sense to back away to regain her stance.

"Right." Tenshi lowered her sword. "You're holding your sword in a weird angle, and if you raise it above your head like that, you're leaving your body wide open to counter-attacks. Instead, you should—" She raised her sword again, and did a few practice swings against thin air, keeping her upper body safely guarded all the while. "See the difference?"

Cirno nodded. "I think so. But what if I have to hit higher to hit an opponent who's a lot taller than me?"

Tenshi smirked. "I say go for the kneecaps."

She lunged forward again. Cirno actually caught on and raised her blade to parry, but again at the wrong angle: Tenshi had all the time in the world to slice her shoulder into ribbons.

She refrained from doing so, and instead slowed down, aiming for Cirno's stomach. Cirno's eyes widened, and she stumbled backwards, far enough to immediately avoid the tip of the sword, but not far enough to make it out unscathed if Tenshi pushed forward.

"I told you, keep your torso guarded!" Tenshi hissed. "If you can do no better than that, you shall have to make yourself a suit of armour out of ice as well. Imagine how ungainly that will be."

"What's ungainly?"

Tenshi shook her head. "Clumsy."

Cirno bristled. "I'm not clumsy!"

"No, that's what the word means."

"Oh." Cirno bit her lip. "Well, it depends on the armour. If it's just a block of ice, it will be difficult to move in, but if it's thin layers..." she looked upwards, her sword arm lolling to her side, the tip of her sword scraping the ground.

Swift as lightning, Tenshi stepped forward, and placed her sword on Cirno's thin, unguarded neck.

"Lesson number three," she whispered as Cirno felt the cold steel on her jugular and froze. "While duelling, keep your eyes on your opponent."

She backed away, noticing to her satisfaction that even the light touch had cut a thin red line onto Cirno neck. "Now, show me what you've got."

Cirno's breathed heavily, her brow knitted in intense concentration. Then, she disappeared into a mist of frost that had suddenly manifested itself around her. Just as Tenshi figured out what to do, Cirno emerged from the mist at a furious speed, screaming an inarticulate battle cry.

Tenshi lunged to the left, avoiding most of the swing, but a part of her white sleeve got caught by the blade. The sound of fabric ripping in her eyes, Tenshi continued on her trajectory, eyes widening, as Cirno came to a halt and blinked.

"That was clever," Tenshi gasped, genuinely impressed. How could this foolish fairy keep surprising her like this? She almost regretted what she about to do.

"As clever as that was," she continued, allowing the smugness that had come to her so naturally before to creep into her voice, "you will notice I do not have as much as a scratch on my person. You need to do better. Come. Strike again."

Cirno lowered her blade and pulled a face. "But if I strike when you tell me to, you'll be expecting it."

"Very good!" said Tenshi in a mock encouraging voice. "You have figured out something even little children understand: the importance of surprise. On your own time, then."

Cirno prepared herself for another strike, but instead of moving forward, wavered in place, considering her options. Tenshi kept her eyes firmly peeled on her, and eventually, when Cirno hesitated still, took matters into her own hands.

"Too slow!" She called out victoriously, and rushed forward at her highest speed. As Cirno blinked, she brought her blade to her neck once again, allowing the metal to bite again into the vulnerable skin there. Cirno gasped.

"What did I tell you about letting your guard down?" Tenshi retreated. In a supposedly careless motion, she raised her sword over her head, exposing her torso to attacks.

Cirno stopped rubbing her neck and grinned. "Gotcha now!" She lunged forward, and stabbed Tenshi just beneath the ribs.

Tenshi exhaled heavily and watched Cirno's eyes widen as the blade sunk into her flesh like a knife into soft butter. The blade was indeed as sharp as Tenshi had hoped it would be, and the searing waves of pain spreading into her limbs from the wound were bliss and heaven. She closed her eyes, hoping the sword would go deeper, pierce her entirely, bleed her dry and end her miserable existence.

The blade came to a halt.

Tenshi opened her eyes in annoyance. Cirno had pulled back and halted the advance of the blade. It was still lodged in Tenshi's chest, and Cirno was staring at it and the rivulets of blood slowly springing from the wound with widening eyes.

Tenshi sighed. She could assess the damage the stab had done, and it was nowhere near enough. Cirno had managed to stop the attack far sooner than she had hoped, and if she went back to Bhava-Agra with this wound, it would be gone by the next morning.

Thus, while Cirno was still reeling, Tenshi grabbed the blade, savouring but otherwise ignoring the way it bit into her palm, coating the ice with crimson anew, and with a strong, jabbing pull, thrust it deep, deep into her flesh, yanking Cirno forward with it.

She felt the sword coming through her back, and imagined the dark hue her innards had dyed the tip, and breathed in happily. She had failed to pierce her lungs, but from the horrible, wondrous pain which blinded her and made her fall on her knees, she knew the stab would be the end of her regardless.

She distantly heard Cirno cry out, like from beneath water, and felt her back hit the grass, the ground pushing the tip of the blade back into her and thrusting the part closest to the hilt out, tainted and marred beyond salvaging. She still couldn't see: perhaps her eyes still worked, but she had not the will to open them. Instead, she imagined what the blade looked like, and what kind of a sight she herself was. Her body felt incredibly heavy, and this time the burning sensation wouldn't go away; it consumed her like flames, burning away all other thought.

Cirno was still making noises, and Tenshi struggled to make out the words. She felt tiny hands on her shoulders, then on her forehead, then she heard the sound of bare feet pacing back and forth on the grass. The child was in shock, no doubt, and for a moment Tenshi regretted what she had done. It wasn't Cirno's fault she was happy, nor was it her fault that Tenshi was anything but.

"Eldest Daughter!"

Tenshi's eyes snapped open, or would have if she had had the strength to move her eyelids with such speed. Instead, she slowly opened them to see the foggy world around her, and two blotchy figures against the blue sky; a smaller blue-and-white one, and a larger glowing scarlet one with hints of black and purple. Even if she couldn't see properly, the voice had been unmistakable and filled her with dread.

"Why isn't she moving?" She heard Cirno ask now that she was straining to hear what was going around her. "She pushed the blade through her and then she stopped moving."

Even without seeing it properly, Tenshi could imagine the stare Iku gave to Cirno. She attempted to laugh, but the best she could managed sounded like a gurgle, so quiet she doubted either of the others even heard it.

"What is your name, little one?"

"Cirno."

"Cirno." Tenshi heard someone crouch next to her, and felt Iku's cool, slender hand on her shoulder. When she narrowed her eyes, she could almost make out her expression, but not quite. "I am aware fairies function somewhat differently from most other creatures, but a strike like this is enough to ravage most living creatures. Even a celestial can and will be killed by an attack that's enough to devastate their physical form like this."

There was a silence. When Tenshi next heard Cirno's voice, it was quivering. "She said she couldn't die. She said no celestial would ever..." the voice petered out, and Tenshi felt two cold, tiny hands on her shoulders, one right next to Iku's, shaking her. "You said I couldn't hurt you!"

Regret mingled with pain again, and Tenshi opened her mouth, hoping she could say something to comfort Cirno. To tell her this was in no way her fault. To tell her she had enjoyed spending time with her. To tell Iku she was sorry.

Her mouth fell shut again, useless. The best she could do was shed a few feeble tears. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a moment of relief, not further despair.

Suddenly, it felt like Cirno had slipped a cube of ice down Tenshi's collar. Tenshi knew from experience that the sensation had nothing to do with Cirno, however.

It meant a shinigami had arrived.

She felt both Iku and Cirno tense. This was normally the point where Tenshi stood up, wielded her sword with a haughty smile, and drove away the poor sap sent to collect her soul. Now, however, she neither had the strength nor will to battle the newcomer. Rather, she welcomed them, to take her away from the dark pain consuming her more and more by the minute, and the slow, deadly pain that had poisoned her life and initially brought on this mess.

"Eldest Daughter!" There was a note of alarm in Iku's usually calm voice. "Please, if you can hear me, you must get up!"

"Who is that?" Cirno asked, voice shaking.

"The reaper who has come to collect the soul of The Eldest Daughter. We must get her away from her! She cannot possibly combat her in this state."

"She's going to take her away?"

"Yes, if she cannot either fight her or escape from her. Eldest Daughter!" Tenshi suddenly found herself cradled in Iku's arms. Finally, the mist in front of her eyes cleared enough to reveal a look of utter panic on Iku's face.

"No-one's gonna take her away if I can help it!" Cirno stepped forward, facing the advancing shadow, hands on hips even as it became apparent the advancing shinigami was several feet taller than her. "She's my friend, and if she's not gonna fight, I'm gonna fight in her stead!"

She bit her lip, and began conjuring another blade of ice. "She helped me get stronger! So now I'm gonna be the strongest, even stronger than celestials!"

Iku placed a hand on Cirno's shoulder. "Child, you do not understand. The shinigami will merely destroy you and take the Eldest Daughter regardless."

"Not going to happen!" Cirno cried. She lowered her voice. "I'll come back anyway soon after. But she won't, will she? I can't let her die. And I don't care who I have to beat to save her! I'll freeze the whole world if I have to."

Iku stared at Cirno. "Are you really willing to do battle with the shinigami for the Eldest Daughter's sake?"

The icy blade gleamed in the sunlight. "Yeah."

"Then, I beg of you. Please stall her. Whether you can defeat her or not, if you can occupy her for long enough, I may be able to take Eldest Daughter to safety."

"Eh?"

"If I can return her to Paradise in time, the shinigami should not be able to seize her. I will plead for the leaders of heaven to shut the gates. But she will surely catch me if you cannot distract her. You're Eldest Daughter's only hope." Iku bowed her head. "Please."

Cirno nodded sombrely. "You got it. I'll show that reaper that no scythe is a match for ice."

Tenshi gasped in pain as Iku slid her arm underneath her knees, shifting the gaping hole in her chest. Then, she was no longer on the ground, lifted like she was made of nothing but air. She felt she ought to protest, but even her cry had been little more than a squeak. She fought against the darkness that endeavoured to claim her, but soon enough she accepted its embrace, and no longer knew what happened around her.

 

* * *

 

Tenshi opened her eyes.

That it happened at all surprised her enough that she thought nothing further right away. Everything was blurry, as if she was looking at the world through a veil. It was impossible to make out anything in the dim light.

Tenshi groaned, but no sound came out. Then, she began to wonder whether she was dead or alive.

The memories of her duel with Cirno came back to her intermittently, as hazy as the world around her. She remembered grasping the blade and shoving it deeper inside her. She remembered falling to what she had hoped would be her oblivion. The remaining memories floated at the edges of her conscience, just beyond her reach, along with the answer to whether she had died or not.

She tried to move, and a soft groan escaped her lips as all her muscles were tender and only barely obeyed her commands. However, just feeling pain wasn't enough of an indicator either way: ghosts felt _something_ , didn't they? Moreover, if she wasn't a ghost at all, but quickly sent to an enma and already in Hell, she would definitely feel pain.

As far as the Hell theory went, however, she had her doubts. The surface she was lying on was incredibly soft, and there was even a fluffy blanket set on top of her. Would they really treat newcomers to Hell with such kindness? Perhaps, if it was intended as a further torture when all comfort was forever stripped away from them, but somehow that didn't sound right.

She focused all her attention on her eyelids, and blinked rapidly t to remove some of the haze tormenting her. It worked, and she found herself looking at a simple round ceiling, with small gold adornments by the sides.

She was in her room.

She shifted, now recognising the familiar bed, and looked down on herself. Someone had taken her blood-soaked clothes, and replaced them with bandages and a pure white dress. Even though she now knew where she was, Tenshi's earlier ghost theory lingered on. Perhaps she was doomed to wander the halls of her parents' home, never to escape Bhava-Agra even in her death. A punishment worse than any Hell.

She propped herself up against the pillows, pushing them against the wall with her back, and finally managed to reach a sitting position. She took a look at herself. All the minor cuts and bruises were long since healed, without a single trace, and the hole in her chest was but a small scar now.

She got up, groggy, as if she was wading through water. Her muscles were stiff from the abuse and ensuing disuse they had suffered, a bitter reminder of past events. She still recalled how she had felt then, vaguely at least, although she could not fully comprehend her line of thinking at the time. Everything from before she woke up felt vague, like belonging to a different world.

She landed her feet on the soft carpet, and without bothering to look for shoes or an overcoat, she walked to the door in. The birds of paradise sung, chittering aimlessly and flying over the endless gardens of Bhava-Agra. Tenshi leaned into the veiled doorway, looking at the rays of sunlight caught by the iridescent fabric, and for the first time in centuries thought Heaven was beautiful.

Things were amiss, she knew that much. Her peace of mind couldn't last, and the rational part of her was only waiting for the other shoe to drop. Her misery was still there, lurking, deep in the abyss that had been burrowed into her chest by the endless abuse and neglect. Nothing had changed. This was merely a short respite before the world plunged her back into despair.

She pushed the veil aside and stepped into the empty courtyard. The white lilies by the walls swayed gently in the wind, and she smiled at them. Often, the quietness of the courtyard only served to remind her of her loneliness, but today, she felt it a peaceful place. She needed time for herself, both to remember, and to think.

Could anyone understand the decision she had come to, anyway? Could she even understand it herself now that the moment had passed? Suicide was an anathema, and to a celestial, it should have been an impossibly.

Tenshi began to quiver despite the warm air. No doubt Iku had already told her parents what had happened. What would they do? They would be incensed for sure. Perhaps they would go as far as to disown her, or even cast her out of Paradise. In a way, Tenshi almost hoped it would happen. If nothing else, it would be a chance of pace. A kind of freedom, even.

But what if — and here, Tenshi began to shake in earnest — what if they simply gave her one long look, sigh, and then continue on as if nothing had ever ever happened. It wasn't beyond the realm of possibility. During her first rampages, they had attempted to scold her, but when that had proven ineffective, they had merely sighed and given up, leaving her to her own devices. Only Iku had shown any real interest in her behaviour, and that had been too little, too late. Tenshi had never believed she said the things she said as anything other than lip service.

_Iku..._

Tenshi closed her eyes as her head began to ache again. Why had Iku come after her, after everything she had done?

She now remembered clearly the look on Iku's face as she had picked her up. It had been genuine concern. Rather than comforting, it was like a weight around her heart. How could she have been so utterly wrong?

She stared at the lilies, no longer happy to see them, dreading the moment she would have to move and encounter someone.

Speak of the devil.

She heard someone landing softly behind her. Even without looking, she guessed it was Iku, if only because she was the last person Tenshi wished to see right then, and the universe hated her.

Finally, she turned around. She had been right, of course. Iku looked as impeccable as ever, but with a hard look on her face. Tenshi didn't dare to meet her eyes.

"Eldest Daughter."

Tenshi forced herself to look up. There was no rancour in Iku's voice or eyes. The look she was giving Tenshi was a look of pity, another sentiment Tenshi disliked, but she infinitely preferred it to the one she had been expecting. "Yes, Iku?"

"Are you..." Iku hesitated. "Do you find yourself well this morning?"

Tenshi shrugged. She didn't really know how she felt. "I guess."

Iku nodded. An awkward silence ensued. Tenshi resisted the urge to turn around and stomp back into her room. She didn't want to spurn Iku, not now. There were things she needed to know first, and for all she knew, Iku was the last person in the world not to treat Tenshi like a leper.

"I suppose you told my parents about what happened," she said at length, attempting to sound as nonchalant as possible.

"I thought it best to keep the matter private for the time being," said Iku, deadpan.

Tenshi sneered. "Right. Is that your way of saying you knew you would be in trouble if you confessed to them I managed to get away from you and nearly died?" She regretted the words as soon as she had spoken them. Iku had done nothing wrong, after all. It wasn't her fault if she didn't like Tenshi. It was Tenshi herself that made people not like her.

Iku drew up to her full height, attempting to look as official as possible. "Had I believed the revelation would only have consequences to myself, I would have reported the information as soon as we returned to Bhava-Agra. That is not the case, however." She knitted her brow. "How is your wound?"

"It's fine."

"Eldest Daughter." Iku swallowed, then bowed her head. "I really must apologise for my indiscretion."

Tenshi frowned. "What are you even talking about? The only thing you need to apologise for to me is for bringing me back here." Back to the land of the living. Back where she would have to find a way to swallow her pride and apologise to Iku for her bratty behaviour or else self-destruct as her guilt was ripping her in twain. Back to what wasn't oblivion, but a return to the abyss that her life had always been.

"I know you don't mean that, Eldest Daughter."

"I do." Did she? What did she want, really? For this all to be over without her having to do anything about it. An end to the ennui, and end to the slow, gnawing pain, an end to the numbness and loneliness that followed her as tenaciously as a shadow. She had attempted to take matters into her own hands, but now that she had failed, she no longer had the will to reattempt the feat. She simply wanted to lie down, here in this very courtyard, and become one with the grass.

"Eldest Daughter." Was it an illusion of light, or was there a tear glistening in Iku's eye? "Please. I must apologise."

"At least tell me what you're apologising for," said Tenshi, looking away.

"For my misjudgement, and for my failure to understand you." Now there was no mistake: Iku's eyes were brimming with tears. She got down on one knee in front of Tenshi and took her hand. Tenshi kept her hand limp, but didn't pull away. Instead, she stared at Iku, unable to believe what was happening.

"What?" she finally stammered. "I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm the one who caused all the chaos. How does your understanding have anything to do with it?"

Iku shook her head. "If I had known...If before I had understood how much pain you were in." She stood up and wrapped her arms around her, gently embracing her. Tenshi struggled against her arms, but not because they were unpleasant or because the hug was an utter breach of decorum. Rather, the sensation was so warm and comforting, and thus so alien to her she couldn't help but resist it.

Tenshi choked on tears of her own. All after she had woken up felt like some kind of a delirious fantasy, a make-believe dream of a brain at brink of death. The arms around her were tangible, undoubtedly real, as was the body pressed against hers. It was beyond what she could cope with, far more than she deserved. She deserved nothing but death.

"I shouldn't have said those things to you," she mumbled against Iku's shoulder.

Iku frowned and shifted so that she could see Tenshi's face. "What did you say, Eldest Daughter?"

"I didn't mean what I said to you," Tenshi continued on. Tears began streaming down her face. "I was angry and just wanted you to go away. I didn't actually mean it."

"There, there," Iku placed her hand on Tenshi's head and pulled her closer as she began to weep. "It no longer matters. First we must sort out whatever ails you."

A rush of fear ran through Tenshi. "Are you going to tell my parents what happened now?"

"Not unless you wish me to. I do believe telling them about what transpired might be for the best, however."

"Don't!" Tenshi said sharply. "They wouldn't understand. You know what they're like."

Iku stroked Tenshi's hair and sighed. "If you so wish, Eldest Daughter. However..." Iku leaned back. The pity in her eyes was palpable, but for once it did not repulse Tenshi in the slightest. Perhaps, although Tenshi couldn't be certain, it was not mere pity, but also affection of some sort. "Please, accept my aid. I care about your well-being, Eldest Daughter, whether you believe it or not, and I wish to help you to overcome your predicament."

Tenshi swallowed. How was she supposed the answer to such undeserved gentleness, to such kindness? How could she tell Iku it was far too late, that she did not deserve help and was far beyond it regardless? How could she relay to her all the black thoughts and bitter rancour towards all of Paradise that still hung on her.

She opened her mouth again, but before she could speak, tears claimed her once again. Immediately, Iku embraced her again, holding Tenshi like a mother comforting her child.

"Cirno..." Tenshi mumbled.

Iku stroked Tenshi's hair. "I am certain she is well. If you wish, I will go check on her as soon as I have ascertained you are tolerably well."

Tenshi nodded against Iku's shoulder. Really, she wanted to go see Cirno herself, to make sure she hadn't been harmed due to Tenshi's idiocy, but at the same time, she wasn't sure she was ready to face Cirno again.

"All will be well, Eldest Daughter. I'll swear to it if I must." Iku whispered the words, and while Tenshi didn't believe them, she longed to. "All will be well."


	4. Thaw

_Much, much later, during another summer entirely..._

 

* * *

 

Water sloshed around in the small lake as a pair of enthusiastic feet trampled through, sending ripples all across the surface. Cirno laughed, freezing the water ahead of her and jumping on it, attempting to skate on it with her bare feet.

She made a tricky turn and spotted someone with blue hair and peaches on her hat sitting on the riverbed, eyeing Cirno with contemplative look. Cirno had to pause and think. The girl looked familiar, eerily so even, but something about the look on her face made it very difficult for Cirno to place her.

Then, the girl spoke, and all the doubts in Cirno's mind instantly melted away. "Still up to your old tricks, squirt?"

"It's you!" Cirno exclaimed, unable to contain her surprise. "The eldest celestial!"

The girl's brow knitted in annoyance. "I have a name, you know. It's Tenshi. That wasn't even my correct title."

"Oh." Cirno shrugged. Mistakes happened. "Wanna come play with me?"

Tenshi blinked slowly, and looked to her side. Sitting there with her legs tightly held together by her side, her feet hidden to Cirno by her skirt, she looked a little like a blue-tailed mermaid. "You want to play with me?"

"Sure. It's always fun with more people."

Suddenly, Tenshi smirked, and now, even if she hadn't said her name earlier, Cirno would have had no trouble recognising her. "Really, now. Don't you remember how the last time I 'played' with you ended?"

Cirno folded her arms and began to think. She entered the clouded parts of her mind where she kept memories she either deemed to be of little importance or otherwise unpleasant to remember. With concerted effort, she dug out some images of the celestial in front of her, distant already despite being far more recent than some things she remembered with perfect clarity, like the day she had frozen Reimu Hakurei's donation box and gotten the thrashing of a lifetime in return. These memories were different. They were of blood, of tears, and of the shudder-inducing presence of death.

At length, she spoke. "Guess you told me the truth after all."

Tenshi blinked. "What?"

Cirno grinned. "You said celestials couldn't die. The shinigami came for you, but you didn't die."

For a moment, a shadow of regret appeared on Tenshi's face. "I would have died if I had had no-one but myself to rely on there."

"Yeah, but even if it's because the lady in pretty clothes came to pick you up, I don't see why it wouldn't count. So, you didn't actually lie." She beamed at Tenshi.

Tenshi gave her an odd look. "You really are an idiot, aren't you?"

"An idiot that beat you!"

"As if you didn't have me beaten from the beginning."

Cirno blinked. Tenshi had said those words so quietly that Cirno wasn't sure she had heard them correctly, so she decided to dismiss them as make-believe. So, she shrugged. "So, will you come play?"

Now it was Tenshi's turn to look confused. "You want me to play with you after all that?"

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't." Cirno gestured at her. "Come on."

She went back to her skating. For a while, Tenshi merely stared at her. At length, however, she removed her boots and pure white socks, and slowly walked to the lake, with a serious look barely hiding the smile in her eyes.


End file.
